How To Get Back Your Normal Sex Life After a Baby

D August 15th, 2018

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Why is it so hard to get back into the groove of the things (things meaning sex!) after a baby?? Is it the 6 week wait that makes it so easy to get out of the notion. Is it the extreme exhaustion? Or maybe the baby weight that is lingering on?

Whatever it is, I’m sure most of us have been at a point where we just want to know how can we get past it. I will not say that I believe sex can make or break a relationship, but I will say that sex can have a strong impact on one. For some folks, sex and physical touch is the way they connect and communicate with their partner.

By now, most of us have heard about the 5 love languages. It has been found that most men have identified their love language as physical touch and/or words of affirmation. I was not surprised at all to find this out. Men want to be touched and told how well they are doing, even if its just them getting dressed for work. With that knowledge, it is a not so wrong assumption that once we are unable to communicate with our husbands in their love language, it can be hard for you to connect at all.

They want to be loved in the bedroom, but they do not always understand what we go through as women. They do not understand all the things that happen in our bodies during and after a baby. They have no clue half the time and even if they don't want to say it, they often just think we are over exaggerating about everything!

Here are three things to consider when faced with the issue of getting back to your normal sex life after having a baby.

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1. Understand this is not the end of the world!

One thing to remember is that sex may not feel good the first time after a vaginal delivery, but its neither guaranteed to be painful nor the end of the world if it is. There has been a lot of stuff going on down there, and penetration may not be so ideal at first. You have to keep in mind that YOU WILL HAVE SEX AGAIN. Unless you plan on living a sexless life for all eternity after a baby, you might as well take your fears head on (no pun intended!).

If you are not ready to go back into the full swing of things that’s okay too. Just start off with kissing and touching each other in intimate ways. Being close and intimate does not always mean sex, and it really makes a difference if you are able find ways to stay intimate if sex is off the table for now. Just like with any issue in a relationship, when you both are working on it, things will get better. You will get back to the same ol’ couple that got you in this little predicament in the first place.

2. Don’t be afraid to communicate, even if that means being vulnerable!

Without sex, it is pretty easy for you to feel like your significant other is just a roommate. That may work for a little while, but after some time, that will begin to cause some issues. No matter how hard we wish on a shooting star, our SO’s will never be able to read our minds, so the key here is communication.

There were so many arguments I could have avoided with my husband had I just been willing and able to communicate effectively with him. I was so insecure about my body after having Lynnie, but I did not want to voice that to my husband, afraid that that would only draw attention to my body even more. When in reality, just telling him how I was feeling could have helped him understand instead of him feeling undesirable. The irony of it all was the fact that I was also feeling like I was not desirable because of my body. I'm sure he was confused and probably thinking something was really wrong with me.

Eventually, communication was what got us out of a tough spot. I literally had to tell him when I was not feeling like myself and could not take simple compliments. I had to tell him he could not call me pretty because that added to me not being in the mood. That may sound crazy, but I couldn't hear those words because all I could think about was the million ways I was not pretty. All I had to do was communicate those feelings to him whenever they came up, and we were able to find our way back.

3. Ride the wave as long as you can!

Now after working so hard to get back into bed...the last thing you want to do is to lose your momentum. When you are able to start having sex again, it will be so imperative that neither partners make excuses. These are the times where you may be tired or stressed, but still have to save some energy for your SO. Again, even if you are not feeling up to having sex, just set aside some alone time to be intimate with one another so that neither of you feel like you are back to square one.

It becomes easier and easier to fill your day with things that don't include being intimate. However, it is both parties (or all parties if that's how y'all like to get down) responsibility to make sure that you keep one another a priority in each and every day. This is a crucial time to maybe consider dating one another again. After a baby, there is a lot of growth and changes that go on inside a person. You may have to re-learn your partner and find out who you are as a couple now that there have been life altering changes. Dating all over again can rejuvenate a relationship enough to help you both find the rhythm again.

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All in all, sex is important, but so is recovery, respect, and comfortability. Do not rush yourself because you feel your partner may be growing impatient. Take your time, practice intimacy, and COMMUNICATE!